


Not About Angels

by Rasiaa



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Blood, Canonical Character Death, Hope, M/M, Promises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 07:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4295136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rasiaa/pseuds/Rasiaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's hard to breathe, sometimes. And blood gets easier to see the more you see it. You had no problems breathing, and I envy you for that, Marco.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not About Angels

**Author's Note:**

> Based off this picture: http://sangcoon.deviantart.com/art/SNK-I-ll-try-not-to-disappoint-you-391106681
> 
> And this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxVUee4WsoA  
> Which is "Not About Angels" by Birdy  
> Yes, I know that is from The Fault In Our Stars. Do I care? No. It's a beautiful song.

It's hard to breathe, sometimes.

Blood gets easier to look at it the more of it you see.

That's a lesson I learned the hard way, when I betrayed my own desires.

I did it for you.

The only problem with that is, you're gone. You're long gone. You never even had a chance to start in the real world.

Let me tell you, you're the lucky one. The real world is a nasty piece of work.

_We know full well there's just time. So is this wrong, to dance this line?_

Eren keeps refilling hope. He tells us all the time to not give up, and I admire that sometimes. The whole world is against him, and he still can find the time to smile and hope for the future. It's surreal to watch him.

I think you would've liked it. You were like that, too- full of hope and happiness, so much so that it made most people, including me; believed you to be entirely insincere. I regret that now. Seeing you, like that-

It's hard to breathe, sometimes.

And blood gets easier to look at the more you see it.

_How unfair, it's just our luck. Found something real that's out of touch._

It was hard to look at blood when I saw you die. Now, now-

Now I can look and sleep easily through the night. And the knowledge of that fact makes me sick. The only thing that makes me wake up anymore is you. The sight of you, lying there like that. I have a theory that when I die, and when I am reborn, that image will haunt me even there. I can only hope that by that point I will not understand. That I will not know how that happened or why, or even have an inkling of an idea.

I had hope once, you know. I saw it for the first time when you told me that I wasn't strong, but that was what made me a leader. I didn't recognize it at the time, but I wish I could have told you that you gave me hope by calling me weak.

I know. I don't really understand that logic either.

_But if you searched the whole wide world… would you dare to let it go?_

Breathing gets harder with every passing hour. You did not have trouble breathing.

I envy you for that.

I can't take a deep breath for fear it will be my last. I will not be able to until I can go to your gravesite and cry tears of relief. Then, and only then, will I take the large gasping breaths that I have been denied for the past several years of my life.

_Don't give me up._

I hope one day I can fulfill my promise to you. My promise that I'd try my best.

Back then, it meant that we'd try to get into the Military Police. Well, I did that. I had the option, and I turned it down for hell on earth. This time, I only want to get out of this war alive. I want to be able to see the world when we're free.

I'll tell you what it's like, once I'm done crying all over your grave.

Wish me luck?

Love you, Marco.


End file.
